


I must Dine with my Enemy

by TheRisu



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Drabble Sequence, Future Fic, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-18 12:02:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20638847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRisu/pseuds/TheRisu
Summary: It's still the worst possible timeline. Keef has enough of Zim's moping on the couch and decides to call an old friend to lift his spirits.





	1. The Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> As stated by the summary, this thing takes place in the same setting than The Worst Possible Timeline, so I recommend reading that first if you haven't. Otherwise some details and characters might confuse you.
> 
> Why isn't this just part of The Worst Possible Timeline? Because I felt like a new arc was starting with the last 'chapter' I posted over there, and I didn't want to keep adding more and making it longer when it was supposed to be a pilot.
> 
> Anyway, this is horrible. Traumatizing Content Warning.

“Log date: Six complete rotations since landing. Seventh rotation in progress. Exactly… _ four _Earth hours until completion.”

The filthy apartment was looking as pathetic as ever.

Keef and GIR seemed to be joyfully working on something in the kitchen. Zim was still sulking in the couch, spitting slurred insults at an oatmeal commercial.

“While the underground route I have cleverly designed has yet to acquire sufficient depth, acceptable progress has been made…” continued Speck, resignedly recording on Keef’s borrowed phone “If my calculations are correct, we should reach the base in probably _ thirty more rotations _ if we’re _ lucky_. So help me. Invader Speck, signing off.”

Then he did indeed end the recording with a dejected sigh, and went to the kitchen.

GIR was shoving his head into a pot, seemingly stirring its contents.

“I’m making mashed potatoes!” he said, and Speck could only give an acknowledging nod.

“Good job, GIR! It’ll go great with this!” beamed Keef.

He was preparing some kind of casserole.

Speck approached and tugged at his shirt with one hand, while holding out the phone with the other.

“Oh hey, little buddy!” grinned Keef “Did you finish that ‘report’ of yours?”

“I _ have _ finished, yes…” replied the pint-sized Irken, somewhat wearily, to then look around “What about you, Keef human, how is this… _ foodening _ going?”

The human in question couldn’t help giggling at such response, making him frown in both annoyance and confusion.

“Man, you’re _ so much _ like him!” he said, with nauseating tenderness “You’re _ definitely _ his son…”

Speck squinted.

“Oh yeah, you guys have another name for it, don’t you?” continued Keef, now amusedly rubbing his chin “What was it again? _ Human worm baby?_”

“AH! Yes!” realized Speck, upon quickly recalling Zim’s masquerading instructions “Master Zim’s human worm baby! That I am!”

“And I’m a mongoose.” added GIR in the background.

The repulsive human giggled some more, as repulsively as before, and ruffled Speck’s perfectly normal baseball cap.

“And you’re both _ cutie pies_!” he said, making embarrassing finger guns “Now, GIR, let’s get this over with so we can set the table! Our guest could be here anytime soon, you know!”

“Someone’s _ COMING_!” screeched the little dog thing, seemingly getting so excited about it that he rocketed out of the pot and through the ceiling.

Keef dared to laugh even more, and Speck just stared.

At first, he would struggle to make sense of the allegedly advanced robot’s behavior, but at this point he had already learned to just stare.

Stare in wonder at what was clearly _ too _ advanced to understand with basic logic.

“Alright then!” concluded Keef, then looking back at the human worm baby “Speck, _ sweetie _, could you set the table while I check on those mashed potatoes?”

“…Who’s coming?” inquired Speck, antennae flicking under the cap.

Keef smiled in a more knowing, more _ scheming _ manner.

“Let’s just say Operation Cheering Zim Up is already in motion.” he replied, now getting the smallest one to actually smile back.

“Is that so?” he said, alien eyes lighting up behind the sunglasses, to then shift into a more rigid stance and salute “Very well! For the sake of Master Zim I shall then _ set _ this _table_!”

And so he did.

After a good couple of inexperienced attempts.

Because nothing, _ absolutely _ nothing would make the lowly Speck more ecstatic than seeing his lifelong idol, the Great and Powerful Invader Zim, _ finally _accomplishing his mission.

What a fool.

“What is _ all _ that noise?” grumbled Zim from the couch “Can’t you _ gasquiggasplorchs _ see I’m _ monitoring _over here?”

“You’re _ always _ monitoring, Zim!” chuckled Keef from the kitchen, as Speck approached and accordingly began to excuse himself.

“My deepest apologies, sir, we were merely making arrangements for this visit-”

“_VISIT!? _ ” interrupted Zim, suddenly turning around and standing _ on _ the couch “You mean _ INTRUDERS!? _ In our _ provisional BASE!? _”

“Whoa, buddy, you’re _ moving_!” grinned Keef, now walking in “But yes, I invited someone! Someone _ special_…”

And now smiling in _ that _ way again.

Zim was seething but also innerly writhing in horror, having a bad feeling about who this someone could be.

But maybe… _ maybe _ it was just one of those pizza drones. _ Yes _ . Maybe it was just that. They _ were _ special for GIR.

“I _ explicitly _ stated that this filthy home would now become an _ EXPLOSION _ ZONE! Meaning no _ pig smelling _ human besides you, the _ captive _ one, should enter, _ EVER_!” continued the veteran Irken, doing his best to conceal the growing apprehension

And the fact that he just couldn’t get rid of Keef.

“But, sir…” intervened Speck, timidly raising a hand “You also deemed the Keef human too stupid to think. Therefore, it would have been highly possible for him to not properly process your orders.”

“SILENCE!” hollered Zim, clenching a threatening fist “Cancel this visit AT ONCE!”

“_No_, Zim.” replied Keef, suddenly getting serious “We _ won’t _ cancel it.”

And he was going to keep talking, to unfold an entire sickening speech regarding how sad this situation was, how sad his best friend truly was, and how this was for his own good and he would thank them later.

But then the doorbell went off.

Both Zim and Speck gasped, as Keef smiled again.

Almost eerily.

“_He’s here… _”

And then lunged at the door.

“SPECK!” screeched Zim, effectively turning to Speck “Go find GIR and- _ WHERE _ IS YOUR DISGUISE!?”

“Right here, Master Zim!” yelped the tinier Irken, gesturing towards his cap and sunglasses, and Zim nearly ripped his antennae out.

“And you call yourself APPRENTICE OF ZIM!?” he kept screeching, now rapidly grabbing and dragging Speck away “You’re getting a better one. _ NOW!_”

The last thing they heard before momentarily exiting the scene was the door opening…

“Buddy! I’m _ so _ glad you could make it!”

Keef’s stupid greeting…

“Hey, Keef! It’s been a while for sure!”

And that voice.

_ That _voice.

_ That ugly voice. _


	2. The Arrival

There he was.

Taller. Uglier. Smiling horrendously, just like in the television screen.

_ The Dib_.

“I’m spending some quality time with my daughter, so I brought her over.” he said “I hope you don’t mind…”

“Of course not!” replied Keef, taking a look at the shorter creature that was indeed accompanying him.

His own personal young! A pale larva with a perpetually frightened, but also annoyingly curious, expression.

Even the likes of Speck could easily dispatch her, Zim was sure. Zim was _ positive_.

“Hello, little lady!” continued Keef, as the larva seemed to observe him intently “What’s your name?”

“I’m Luna.” she replied, her voice as annoying as her face “I sense a disturbance in your home.”

“She does that.” added Dib, somewhat lovingly, as they stepped further into the apartment “It’s probably nothing… So, uh, how’s it going? What are you up to? Still planning that reunion party you’ve been talking _ so much _ about…?”

_ Disturbance_, though? What was _ she _ meaning with that?

It couldn’t be _ Zim_, could it?

“Yeah! But actually…” began Keef, leading them to the table “Okay, hear me out… Hear me out because you _ won’t _ believe who’s back in town!”

And _ there _ it was.

His squeedlyspooch was racing. It was _ just _ about to happen. The _ dreaded reunion_.

Zim was feeling so sick, so terribly conflicted.

On one hand he wanted to jump out and show the _ Dib monkey _ that he wasn’t afraid, tell him that his current success was insignificant and it wouldn’t last, that his new trenchcoat was disgusting, that his head was bigger than ever and that _ nothing _ had changed. He still could and _ would _ destroy him.

But on the other…

Would Zim really be capable enough of fooling himself _ that much_?

“…Is it that person behind the lamp?” asked that squeaky voice, suddenly interrupting his train of thought.

That child. _ That child! _ Uncovering him! Seeing right through his infallible hideout!

_ How!? _

“Hm?” blinked Dib, turning to where she was so ruthlessly pointing “What per-”

“_THIS ONE!_” yelled Zim, knocking the lamp over and thus revealing himself.

Which indeed unleashed one _ remarkable _ collective reaction.

Keef was once again grinning eerily and giving him a thumb up. Luna was seemingly going through some sort of nightmarish epiphany.

And Dib… 

“…_ZIM!_”

Dib was clearly so shocked that he had just sounded _ exactly _ like his old self.

Filling Zim with a strange sensation, something between satisfaction and relief.

Perhaps even _ happiness_.

“Yes… YES!”

That gaze, he _ knew _ it. That faltering tone, that faltering stance.

“_IT IS I! _”

He had reached _ something_.

He had reached something within the Dib, and now he was poking it repeatedly. Laughing maniacally.

Literally.

Literally laughing maniacally in the middle of the apartment, as the others kept staring.

“…Oh my _ gosh_, Zim, I can’t believe it’s you!” exclaimed Dib, abruptly switching back to that gut-wrenching, unnatural way of speaking.

To that gut-wrenching, unnatural smile.

“Told ya!” added Keef, clasping his hands with obnoxious delight “Now, who’s hungry?”


	3. The Confrontation

Dinner was officially initiated with GIR’s mashed potatoes, serving as some kind of appetizer.

“This looks good!” smiled Dib, obviously trying to be nice because it really didn’t.

“_LIES! _ ” yelled Zim, obviously not buying it because it _ really _ didn’t.

And also because that was still Dib.

“You haven’t changed a bit!” he _chuckled,_ and Keef nodded amusedly.

“_Right!? _” he replied, then chuckling along “Classic Zim!”

“Just like being back in skool!” continued Dib, so unsettlingly.

So uncomfortably, so _ wrongly _ that Zim almost gagged at it.

But it _ was _still him. He had seen that split second of clarity, he had heard that familiar shriek.

Even despite the conspicuous brainwashing, or whatever that _ rehabilitation _ had done to him, he was still _ there_. Somewhere.

Zim just had to keep poking.

Zim just had to keep thinking that Dib hadn’t bested him, that Dib hadn’t _ gotten over _ him. It was just an act, it _ had _ to be.

“Yeah!” continued Keef, dropping the last spoonful of questionable mashed potatoes on little Luna’s plate “Did you know we used to be _ bestest friends _ with your dad?”

“_MORE LIES! _ ” objected Zim, pounding on the table and then pointing accusingly “This Dib monster was nothing but a horrible _ bull beast_! Always chasing me, always pushing me around! Calling me names!”

Dib couldn’t help looking away in a seemingly ashamed manner, as his attentive child kept listening with a raised eyebrow.

“Calling me an _ alien _ just because of my human skin condition!” continued Zim, then proceeding to cry, or rather pretend to.

“Oh no, Zim!” exclaimed Keef, reaching out to pat his shoulder “Come on, buddy, keep it togeth-”

“_Don’t touch me._” scowled Zim, suddenly not crying anymore and knocking him over, to then turn to the child “_That _ is the truth, _ Dib spawn_. Your dad is the most rotten meat slab on stinky earth, and by extension so are you. _ Live with it_.”

Luna kept staring at him. Shaking, but not too much.

“…You _ do _ kinda look like an alien, though.” she said, making his eyes widen in implied indignation.

“No, no…” intervened Dib, before he could berate some more “He’s _ right_, Luna. You _ can’t _just call someone an alien for looking different, it’s _ not _ okay. I _ shouldn’t _ have done it and you _ shouldn’t _ be doing it.”

And as painfully uncharacteristic as that sounded coming from him, it still felt like a minor victory for Zim, which he relished accordingly.

“So you repent!” he said, turning back to Dib “You take back all those ludicrous claims and accept complete and utter _ defeat_!”

Luna frowned, and assumed that her father would do the same, but his expression was instead becoming more and more _ apologetic_.

“…I _ do_, Zim.” he replied, making both the child and Zim himself blink in astonishment “I don’t know if Keef told you, but I left that… _ bad _ side of me behind long ago…” 

“Yeah! He did!” beamed Keef, suddenly resurfacing “It was eating him away and making him sad, so he _ kicked _it out of his head and now he’s sorry for being a jerk! Aren’t you, Dib?”

“I _ really _ am!” he confirmed “It must have been awful for y-”

“_LIARS!_” shouted Zim, quickly regaining his composure “One does _ not _ simply kick out what _ marches _ through their veins… You’re merely restraining it, Dib! Trying to mock me with this _ insulting _ pity of yours, but JOKE’S ON YOU! ZIM NEEDS _ NO _ PITY!”

And then he almost threw his mashed potatoes at him, but Keef rushed to stop him before he could even pick up the plate, and got knocked over again as a result.

“Jeez, man, I’m being serious! I’ve never been _ this _ serious about _ anything_!” insisted Dib, standing up for emphasis “Can we _ please _ just forget about this _ stupid _ rivalry and sort things out like _ adults_?”

Forget… 

Forget…? 

“…_ Forget?_”

Zim was twitching. Recoiling within his own body.

“You expect me… to _ FORGET!?_”

Then he started laughing again, but this laugh surely wasn’t as triumphant as the previous one.

There was a slight hint of bitterness surrounding it.

“You might have _ captivated _ your own dull-witted race into forgetting your horrible past self, in favor of your current, _ disgusting _ ‘better’ one… but you _can’t _ captivate Zim. Zim will _ never _ forget.”

Dib appeared to be confused for a moment, but then sighed.

“Zim…”

“_ZIM WILL NEVER FORGET!_” reiterated the enraged green man, going back to pointing accusingly.

And thus forcing him to counter.

“…I thought it was just your face but apparently your brain didn’t grow up _ either_!”

“WELL, YOUR HEAD’S STILL BIG!”

“_No_, it’s _ NOT_!”

Soon enough they found themselves getting into a full-blown argument.

And little Luna could only keep listening and observing, deeply _ fascinated _ by this discovered lore, this evident history between her father and the Great and Terrible Invader Zim she had spent so many sleepless nights reading about.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” nodded Keef, noticing her entranced demeanor “That’s true friendship right there.”

“…He kinda looks _ and _ sounds like an alien, though.” she replied, pupils dilating as she proceeded to whisper excitedly “It’s Invader Zim and I’m so close to him…!” 

And then pull out her modified console, which was now functioning as a camera.

At least until something was launched at it, so strongly that the unfortunate device was shattered on impact.

A baseball.

“_Hey!_” yelped Luna, turning to the incoming culprit.

A familiar green boy wearing a familiar baseball cap.

“I’m sorry!” he said.

Except he wasn’t.


	4. The (Disappointing) Showdown

It was time for the main dish, and Speck had finally joined the table.

He was obviously sitting next to Zim, and still looking like a weird green person, just like Zim himself.

But now he had visible eyes, which most likely had come from some dusty box of spare parts.

And definitely, _ definitely _ improved his disguise.

“This is Zim’s little boy, Speck!” beamed Keef, as Zim nodded and promptly grabbed him to pick him up.

“_BEHOLD!_” he said, almost literally rubbing him in Dib’s face “My SUPERIOR LARVA!”

“Hello! I’m superior!” greeted Speck, waving rapidly with a tiny hand.

“We _ just _ stopped fighting, Zim, give me a break!” chuckled Dib, leaning away.

“You mean _you _ stopped, you _ coward_.” replied Zim, to then put the ‘child’ back down and rigidly pat his head “_Welcome home, son._”

“I just _ can’t _ stay mad at you!” continued his once archnemesis, clearly reverting to that horrible, _ horrible _ smiley state.

Of course it would take more than just one brief argument.

“…What kind of name _ is _ Speck, anyway?” asked Luna, all of a sudden and making Zim turn so abruptly that he made a snapping noise.

“IGNORANT _ TADPOLE_!” he hollered, then immediately coming up with something “It’s short for Lawrence.”

Luna blinked.

“But it doesn’t sound like-”

“_DON’T QUESTION ZIM!_” he hollered, once again, to then turn back to Dib “Tell _ it _ to be quiet.”

“Don’t bother Zim, Luna.” he complied “He’s delicate.”

“…THAT’S _ NOT _ WHAT I SAID!”

“Whooooo’s ready for chicken and rice?” intervened Keef, slamming the casserole on the table “Because I am!”

And thus dinner was officially resumed.

And Speck in fact _ wasn’t _ ready for it.

“Uuh… Uuuuhhh… Uuuuuuuhhhhh…” he wavered, giving his plate a cautious look and using a spoon to fiddle with it “Sir…? May I report?”

“Fire away.” replied Zim, putting his developing Earth food immunity to the test and actually beginning to eat.

He had managed to survive the barbecue sauce, after all.

“I have lost track of GIR.” muttered Speck, to avoid being heard by the humans “He appears to have vanished.”

Not surprising.

“Go on.”

“And I regret to inform that I have found the human I was supposed to destroy, and I regret it because it’s… _ that _ small one, and I can’t do it now because it’d be awkward.”

“You know I can hear you from here, right?” inquired Luna, and the pint-sized Irken gasped.

“Wh- But I was _ muttering_!”

“She’s a keen one, Speck, you must _ not _ lower your guard…” warned Zim, to then smack his nape “So _ don’t _lower it.”

“Are you hearing this too, dad?” continued Luna, indeed turning to her father “Did you hear the part where they want to destroy me?”

“They’re just messing around, it’s their weird sense of humor…” replied Dib, then calmly sipping some drink “Looks like it runs in the family!”

“Like the _ skin condition_?” added Luna, with a bit of an unnerved smile.

“They’re taunting us, sir!” exclaimed Speck “They’re openly taunting us now! Permission to destroy…!?”

“Denied.” replied Zim, still eating like a champion “Does your _ meager _ self even _ know _ what would happen if you did _ THAT_?”

“Uuuhhh… You would congratulate me?” guessed Speck, rather innocently.

“You would be letting them _ provoke _ you, you _ FOOL_!” corrected the veteran “And you _ shouldn’t _ because they’re insignificant! So insignificant that you have _ no _ interest in attacking them, and that _ offends _ them… _ You _ have to be the one who provokes _ them_. Do you understand?”

“I think so?” squinted Speck “It’s a little complicated…”

“I _ don’t _ want to provoke you, Zim!” intervened Dib “I told you, I don’t want to fight anymore!”

“But _ why_, dad? Why wouldn’t you want to?” intervened Luna “Isn’t he like, evil? The Evil Invader Zim?”

“_HA! INVADER!_” barked Zim, to then laugh kind of strainedly “The Dib spawn is _ really _ funny, _ ISN’T IT!?_”

And then Speck laughed with him.

And Keef also laughed with them, as he kept just witnessing the whole thing.

“Isn’t friendship just great?” he said, to some imaginary viewer.

Dib was the only one who wasn’t laughing, because he was sighing instead.

“I’m sorry, everyone.” he said, _ gravely _ “My daughter likes to read junk on the web and it’s hard for her to tell the difference between facts and… _ not facts_.”

“Yeah, I _ did _ doubt when I read it but we’re actually _ seeing _ it right n-”

“That’s enough _ foolishness _ for today, _ daughter_!” scolded Dib, and little Luna looked down with a revoltingly adorable little pout.

“_Kids these days!_” stated Zim, shaking his head in normal human disapproval “Getting into these _ webs _ … These webs of _ LIES!_”

“_Preposterous!_” added Speck, not sure of what else to say, and then blinking in normal human realization “…But hey, if she truly believes everything she reads on this web, then we could input that we’re not alien invaders on it and thus force her to believe it and leave us be!”

Zim and Keef cackled again in response, much to Speck’s confusion since he was legitimately proposing that.

“It’s okay though, Dib!” said Keef, putting an arm around Zim’s shoulders, getting violently shoved off “Parenting can be really demanding, especially if you’re single! Even Zim must have trouble with Speck sometimes!”

“_No, I don’t._” objected Zim, now patting Speck’s back “We’re a perfect… _ nuclear unit_…”

Speck was still confused, but nodded anyway.

“Nuclear power!” he said, and Dib couldn’t help chuckling again.

“_Can I go to the bathroom?_” asked Luna, in a sudden and pretty tense manner.

“Of course, it’s-”

“_Can I show her where it is?_” asked Speck, standing up.

“Even better!” continued Keef “Why don’t you just give her a full tour and you sweeties play together for a while so we can talk about grown-up stuff?”

“I would _ take immense delight _ in that!” declared Speck, then reaching for Luna’s hand but getting epically rejected, since she scooted away as soon as he got distracted.


	5. This chapter has the word 'doom' in it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point I'm not fully sure of what I'm doing.

“Anyway!” grinned Keef, turning back to the table “Where were we?”

No response.

Both Zim and Dib had fallen awkwardly silent, while idly looking in random directions. They seemed to be lost in fidgety thought.

“…Right!” continued Keef, clasping his hands together “I’ll go get some more drinks!”

And then he practically jumped out of the scene.

His master plan was about to reach its highest point, its decisive moment. Now he had to give them some privacy.

Or maybe he was just getting a little too uncomfortable with this suffocating atmosphere.

Either way, a few more minutes passed and, once they noticed that there was indeed no one else around, Zim decided to speak again. Naturally.

“_Soooooooo_… Do you really admit it?” he asked, in an oddly casual manner “Do you really admit that you were wrong and I’m no _ space monster_?”

Dib blinked, to then slowly glance at him.

“…Yes.” 

Zim frowned a bit.

“Do you really _ surrender_?” 

Dib stared.

“I do.”

Zim frowned a bit more.

“Are you really, _ really _ handing over the planet for a _ certain doom_?”

“What’s the matter with you, man?” chuckled Dib, _ nervously _ “You sound like you actually think you’re an alien or something!”

And that was the last straw.

Zim was now frowning _ a lot_, standing up so violently that his chair fainted.

“_BECAUSE…!_”

But _ no! _

“…………”

What was he doing?

_What was he doing!?_

Dib kept staring, his expression gradually going from puzzled to _ concerned_.

“You don’t… _ actually think _ you’re an alien, do you?”

Zim seemed to freeze.

He could only stare back, make a noise… 

Wonder what the hell had just happened. Why had he nearly taken his disguise off so recklessly.

Wasn’t this _ good_?

Wasn’t it good to see Dib finally fooled, finally as oblivious as everybody else on stinky Earth?

Wasn’t it confirming that they had effectively lost their only protector, the only one who would always struggle to keep their pathetic lives away from the evil invader’s clutches?

That they were now _ completely defenseless _ and at his mercy?

That he was now _ finally _ able to accomplish his precious mission?

_ Wasn’t that good? _

Zim quivered. Grumbled.

Whatever this current _ itchy _ feeling was, he wasn’t liking it.

“Zim…?”

And he wasn’t liking that _ repulsively compassionate _tone either.

“_What_.”

“Could you maybe help me understand _ what’s going on_?” inquired Dib, tilting his stupid head “At first I thought you were mad because I was mean to you and all, but now you’re acting like you _ want _ me to get back into that _ alien crap_! And I just…”

Then he suddenly stopped and blinked in stupid realization.

“_Wait_…”

Zim’s eyes snapped open in pure, _ blatant _ horror as he seemed to guess what was coming.

“Are you trying to _ provoke _ me?”

And there it was.

The nerve. The _ audacity_.

“…_INSOLENT FOOL BOY!_” he exploded, so furiously and loudly that Dib had to step back “You’re _ nothing _ to me! _ NOTHING! _ I was just _ making sure _ I wouldn’t have to put up with your horrible self ever again and now that I did _ I’M GLAD! _ Because I _ DON’T NEED YOU! _ Do you hear!? Do you understand!? ZIM NEEDS _ NO ONE!_”

And it was quite a sight.

A spectacular collision of several annoying emotions that the bewildered human couldn’t simply ignore.

But _ no_.

This _ wasn’t _ strange at all. There was a reasonable explanation.

Zim was being _ delusional_.

The constant alien themed bullying had ultimately driven him to _ believe _ it, and now he was waiting for him to return to his own delusions, to rejoin the _ game_.

But Dib wouldn’t.

Because he wasn’t a stupid kid anymore, and Zim was not an alien.

Zim was _ not_…

“What’s _ that_?” asked Zim, suddenly recomposed and once again in an oddly casual manner.

Dib was pulling out his blister pack and rapidly taking a pill.

“Just something to calm down.” he replied “I’m getting a little stressed out.”

And he was certainly quivering. Sweating.

Piquing Zim’s interest.

“Ingesting _ those _ calms you down?”

“You could sa-”

“_Gimme._”

“Whoa- _ HEY!_”

And that was how Dib ran out of pills for the rest of the night. Zim hastily swallowed _ all _ the remaining ones in one foul swoop.

“Man, you don’t even _ know _ if you can have them!” exclaimed the panicking human, as Zim just gave him the straightest face.

“Why _ couldn’t _I?” he said, somewhat sardonically “Humans can have them, _ right_? And I _ am _ a human. A stinking human who thinks he’s a stinking alien, but _ still _ a stinking human.”

Dib frowned tensely, and then crossed his arms to look as collected as possible.

“_Yeah_, but you can’t have that many at once.” he replied, attempting to smile “You could blow your guts up!”

“But I _ will _ calm down _ faster_.” stated Zim, retrieving his chair and sitting again “It’s worth the risk.”

“_No_, it’s _ not _ because that’s _ not _ how it works!” continued Dib, still attempting to smile.

But it was getting difficult.

_ Very _difficult.

“Whatever.” concluded Zim.

And that seemed to be his last word.

“I don’t need you, and I don’t need your stupid remarks.”

Never mind, it wasn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write the 'handing over the planet for a certain doom' part like 'handingovertheplanetforacertaindoom' because that was how Richard was saying it in my head but it didn't look good so I didn't. But if you read it like that, good job!


	6. This chapter doesn't have the word 'doom' in it

“Anyway!” grinned Keef, reentering the scene with three cans under an arm “How’s it going? What did I miss?”

And what he saw upon doing so was just too pathetic for anyone’s taste.

Zim was resting his head on the table, somewhat looking like he was _ melting _on it. Dib was looking at his phone, seemingly checking on something that probably wasn’t even there.

And both had the most pitiful, the most _ utterly _ miserable expressions.

“…Are you still _not _ talking things out?” asked Keef, making an educated guess.

“Huh?” blinked Dib, glancing up “Oh no, we already did… We already did, right? Zim?”

“I don’t need you.” mumbled Zim, most likely for the umpteenth time.

“Yeah, _ I know_.” replied Dib, glancing back at the phone “_I know… _”

And he didn’t need Zim either. He _ surely _ didn’t.

Keef squinted for a second, and then grinned again.

“Good!” he said, in the least convinced manner, to then slam the cans on the table “Then let’s drink and relax! If that doesn’t make you happy I _ really wouldn’t know _ what else could!”

The two losers made some idle noises, some incomprehensible idle talk, and awkwardly reached for these drinks.

Yeah okay. Whatever.

That’s what they seemed to say.

Everything was terrible and nothing mattered.

“Let’s enjoy the rest of this nice, quiet night…” continued Keef, opening his can and then suddenly realizing “…But seriously, it _ is _ pretty quiet in here! I wonder if the kids fell asleep!”

And the answer to that was actually very funny, because they weren’t even in the apartment anymore.

After an agitated chase through the fire escape, they had ended up on the rooftop.

Some stuff had happened, some boring and irrelevant stuff regarding some boring and irrelevant fight of sorts, and now little Luna was lying dead.

Alright, maybe not dead, but almost.

The menacing, heavy steps of an impressive machine could be heard, and its towering shadow could be seen as well.

“I knew picking _ this _ up on the way to Earth was a good idea!” chirped Speck, as he merrily kept piloting it.

Closing in on the severely battered girl who was still trying to retrieve the bat that had been kicked away from her reach.

“You brought this upon yourself, you little grub! You and your mindless curiosity!” he continued, staggering just a bit “No one will stand against the Great and Powerful Invader Zim! _ NO ONE!_”

Even though she had managed to deliver some strikes and leave a good couple of dents on its carapace, she was naturally no match for that relentless mech.

She hadn’t considered this possibility, she hadn’t predicted this outcome.

And for that she would now bite the dust, letting everyone down in the process.

Her father, her aunt, herself…

Perhaps the entire planet…

“I _ should _ have known…” she muttered, shedding exaggerated tears.

“Anyway, _ PERISH!_” screeched Speck, making the mech raise a foot in order to step on her and crush her.

Luna kept struggling to crawl away, whining in pain, refusing to face the inevitable.

And it was… 

…actually easier than she thought, because the inevitable was kind of taking a while.

After a perplexed blink, she dared to turn around.

The foot had just stopped.

“Ghh…”

The foot had just stopped in the air and was now somewhat lingering there.

“Ghhhhhh…”

What was this? Was Speck _ hesitating_?

“_GAH! _ What even _ is _ the point!?” he exclaimed, sounding rather frustrated “Master Zim is _ not _ even watching!”

Then the mech stepped back, much to Luna’s growing bewilderment.

“Um…”

“He _ never _ does!” continued Speck “My first flawless victory on Earth, the moment I get to prove my worth to his glorious self… and _ for what_!?”

Luna was tilting her head.

“Well, this is…”

“Am I not good enough? Am I not _ devoted _ enough?”

And now she was shaking it awkwardly.

“I don’t think-”

“_Of course not!_” snapped Speck “It’s that filthy human distracting him! That _ filthy Dib_!”

Then Luna frowned, and promptly resumed the crawling.

“The _ same _ filthy human Master Zim was _ yearning _ to destroy the most, and yet! _ AND YET! _ I don’t understand, I truly don’t! Just what was _ that _ ? _ What on doomed earth was that!?_” ranted Speck, initially seeming to ignore her but then suddenly turning to her “You heard it too, right? The whole ‘provoking’ thing?”

Luna was slowly getting back on her feet, holding onto some railing.

“Yeah, I did.” she replied, rather nonchalantly “It was dumb.”

“_Very! _ I don’t like agreeing with you but _ honestly_!” continued Speck, throwing his tiny hands up “ _ What _ is he waiting for!? The human is so vulnerable now, so blissfully unaware, so _ gift-wrapped_!”

“Beats me, Lawrence.” shrugged Luna “I thought _ he _ had done that to dad, I thought _ that _ was his plan to get him out of the picture… but it doesn’t look like he wanted it.”

And it was still unpleasant for Speck to have to agree with this bug-eyed vermin, but he had no choice. She _ was _ right.

“_Well _.” he concluded, proceeding to exit the mech “This is really confusing and I’m really tired. Invader Speck out.”

Luna was now leaning on the railing, and once again blinking.

“You’re retreating…?” she inquired, as Speck pulled out something like an alien controller and pressed a button to make the mech retract into its portable spherical form.

Oh, so it _ wasn’t _ just a baseball.

“Don’t get me wrong, though.” he said, turning back to her “I would _ love _ to destroy you and I definitely _ will_, I’m just…”

“Hey, it’s okay.” replied Luna “I get it, you know? I wish my dad cared about all this too, I mean… It’s obviously one _ big _ deal, and obviously _ not _ just some stupid game! But he just _ won’t _ listen!”

Speck’s antennae perked up beneath his cap.

Now _ she _ was sounding rather frustrated.

“The Great and Terrible Invader Zim is after my dad and he _ can’t be bothered_!” she continued, then letting out an unnerved chuckle “The Great and Terrible Invader Zim could zap us all into oblivion _ any time now_-”

“But he won’t because he _ can’t bring himself _ to just do it for whatever reason!” interrupted Speck, approaching her “How _ very _stupid!”

Luna kept chuckling, running a hand through her hair.

“I guess we’re _ both _ stuck then!” she said, sitting down.

Speck seemed to judge her with an intent gaze, for an overwhelming amount of silent minutes, during which some angry cats and a police siren blared in the distance.

Then he gingerly sat next to her.

“So…” he pondered “Now what?”

Luna looked up to stare at the polluted night sky.

“_Dunno _…” she mumbled “…I can’t see a thing but I bet they’re beautiful.”

“…What?”

“The stars.”

Speck frowned cluelessly.

“I suppose so…?” he said, looking up himself.

And there they remained, in a strangely peaceful breather.

At least until Luna pulled out a shaken Poop can and sprayed Speck with its content, making him expectedly scream in pain and thrash about as his skin bubbled and sizzled.

“_WHAT WAS THAT FOR!? _” he shrieked, and Luna smiled adorably.

“Almost killing me.” she replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't going to end here but I think I'll call it a day and pretend it's finished.


End file.
